Admittedly this is an odd thing to post about, but I was metro sexual long before it was in vogue to be one. I made my own clothing in the eighties for heaven sake, and to this day refuse to wear tennis shoes with anything other than an outfit that looks like I could run in. I never leave home without a belt and matching shoes and always smell good, really good. If all that was not enough to convince you, a secret motivation I have to lose some weight this year is so that I can buy new designer clothes at Ross. I am big enough to kill most men with my bare hands but would rather go shopping for clothes, write poetry, paint, or sing.
God has a sense of humor.
Even though I am built like middle linebacker, I have always struggled with body image. The self loathing comes in waves and I have never been able to fully understand it. I have been told that a poor body image is a normal effect of sexual abuse and can be difficult to pin down. Uncovering that hurt and getting healing from it is on the agenda for 2008.
If my email in-box is any indication, low self esteem is the number one issue for men and the number one issue for women is what men don't have! It is said in those cleverly craft3d m3ssag3s that what women are most concerned with is a phallus large enough to puncture their uterus. 4"- 6" which was adequate since Adam and Eve, has suddenly doubled to 8"- 10" and the message is if you don't measure up a pill will get you there in only 5 weeks!
"90% of women say they are unsatisfied with their partners size."
Really!? All the while I was told the main issues in marriage are money and infidelity. I guess the infidelity part is the women going out for a bigger... oh wait, men cheat 70% compared to women and the reasons women cheat are predominantly emotional. Imagine my shock to find out via email that women secretly want to be RotoRooted.
It all makes sense now.
Please.
I will admit that being bombarded by this stuff does not help my body image. Sure I think I would look better with more, but the truth is the number one way for a guy to add length to his twig is to lose that 2 or 3 inches of fat parka around it! Even though their wives have never complained, I am certain that most guys would agree that more must be better. We are fragile like that. We like to have the biggest fastest hardest longest loudest most expensive anything. It makes us feel secure and in control. The absolute last thing we want to feel insecure about is our boys, and God forbid if it is average!
In any case, wieners are not the point of this post. What is the point is that I can relate to the self loathing and pain overweight women carry as I watched this free episode of "How to look good naked". Carson is a bit flaming for my taste, but looking past that he has a great heart and did more good in 5 days with Layla than most people ever do for anyone else in a lifetime.
Granted, there is more to life than looking and feeling good but I think we overlook the impact that can have on us spiritually. We barely understand the physical side of life, are just getting a handle on the emotional side, and can't even come close to a consensus on the spiritual. We may find out that all three are equally important and God is equally concerned with all three.
I know from experience that if I can't love myself fully I will be hard pressed to fully love God. How can we love the creator if we hate the created? Loving ourselves enough to start taking care of ourselves can propel us to love God who in turn tells us how much He loves us which in turn causes us to love ourselves all the more.
I used to think this was selfishness and the ultimate form of faith was denial of self. Somewhere I picked up the lie that a life of disdain was somehow Godly and honored Him. That is garbage. There is certainly a point where self love, i.e. selfishness is wrong, but the motive for selfishness is a tough one to pin down. Most selfish people I meet are not selfish because they are complete - they are selfish because they lack.
If we are truly "full" and at peace with us the natural outflow is to take the love we have for ourselves and love our neighbors with it. Without exception, the times when I am selfish are times when I am hurting. Without exception, the times when I am loving and giving are when the world seems right.
If I hate me - the natural outflow is for me to hate others.
2008 is a year for me to look good naked. I am determined to get over myself enough to be happy in my own skin. I am determined to bare it all to help others. I am determined to stop wasting one more minute, one more hour, one more day obsessing negatively about ME.
Looking good naked is a great place to start and it is much more than skin deep. Our motives are naked before God. Our hearts are naked before God. Our thoughts are naked before Him as well.
Looking good naked should be the motive for everything.
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Monday, December 17, 2007
Learning to trust lesson #5
I have determined that learning to trust is one of those lessons that must be experienced in order to master. Trust is an action - like swimming - you can't really learn how to swim by reading about it, or talking about it, or thinking about it.
The only way we learn how to swim is to get wet.
It is this realization, and ONLY this realization, that has allowed me to walk down this road of learning to trust. Walk is too strong a word, it is more like crawl, or perhaps a slow shuffle. In any case I am determined to do what ever it takes to make forward progress. At times it feels like the only thing moving me on is my stubborn determination to prove that if trust is an experience, come hell or high water, I WILL experience it.
Sink or swim - I am getting wet.
The anonymous card the usher handed me at church on our way out yesterday was a startling splash in the face. I certainly wasn't expecting the $250.00 gift card. I never even fought the temptation an hour earlier to keep my tithe check or balked at giving the $25.00 for the staff, even though the act guaranteed my kids would have one less gift this year. And my reward for dipping a toe into the deep waters of faith was I didn't drown!
I know it is almost impossible to drown getting a toe wet, but I assure you that small act from my vantage point was not unlike tipping over the edge of Niagara Falls.
This week looks like it may be a "knee deep" week. The funny thing is the water doesn't seem all that bad now that I have been in it a while. There are no crashing waves, no slippery rocks. No one is pushing me off the dock or throwing me off the boat. This learning to swim is nothing if not....
Peaceful.
The only way we learn how to swim is to get wet.
It is this realization, and ONLY this realization, that has allowed me to walk down this road of learning to trust. Walk is too strong a word, it is more like crawl, or perhaps a slow shuffle. In any case I am determined to do what ever it takes to make forward progress. At times it feels like the only thing moving me on is my stubborn determination to prove that if trust is an experience, come hell or high water, I WILL experience it.
Sink or swim - I am getting wet.
The anonymous card the usher handed me at church on our way out yesterday was a startling splash in the face. I certainly wasn't expecting the $250.00 gift card. I never even fought the temptation an hour earlier to keep my tithe check or balked at giving the $25.00 for the staff, even though the act guaranteed my kids would have one less gift this year. And my reward for dipping a toe into the deep waters of faith was I didn't drown!
I know it is almost impossible to drown getting a toe wet, but I assure you that small act from my vantage point was not unlike tipping over the edge of Niagara Falls.
This week looks like it may be a "knee deep" week. The funny thing is the water doesn't seem all that bad now that I have been in it a while. There are no crashing waves, no slippery rocks. No one is pushing me off the dock or throwing me off the boat. This learning to swim is nothing if not....
Peaceful.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Meow - Muse
I was looking through my photo library today and found these 2 pictures my son took.
It got me thinking about pictures, how powerful they are, and why I seem to forget that I love photography.
There really is no good excuse why I haven't taken more pictures. I have a decent digital SLR, a great Macintosh computer, I am an expert in PhotoShop, and have all the time I need to play. The only thing I can point to is that I have simply lost interest in a subject.
My son loves his cats so when he gets in the mood to click the cats are his muse.
I got no muse.
My New Year's resolution is to make time for pictures.
My New Year's resolution is to find my muse.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
AT&T formerly Cingular formerly Suncom formerly a happy Davie
I have been through 3 cell phone carriers, and each "upgrade" has done one thing.
Cost me.
It all started with Suncom.
For $30 a month I could call as much as I wanted. I.loved.it. I rarely left the area and even when I did the roaming minutes were more than enough.
Enter Cingular.
Cingular brought with it Rollover and a price jump to $89.00 for enough minutes to cover what I had been using. Most months I was banking time, but it was worth it since I got a new phone and second line for 10 bucks.
Enter AT$T.
By this time my cell phone usage was way down, so to save some money I opted for a 450 minute plan back down to $40.00. I had 2000 Rollover minutes from Cingular and figured it would be enough.
You know what? Rollover minutes expire! Would have been a good idea to keep track of that little detail.
About 2 months ago I noticed a paperless option for billing. Being the progressive young man that I am, I checked it.
I discovered something about myself; If I don't see it, it doesn't exist.
In the mail yesterday was this notice of cancellation from AT$T and the amount was almost $300.00! Apparently the "paperless" bill made it to the spam folder on my computer and I forgot to pay Octobers bill.
Octobers bill was $130 and Novembers was $160!
I called them right away and waited on hold for 5 minutes. I asked where I stood this billing cycle and I was already over 250 minutes. And by the way, since I was calling the 800 number, it was on the rise. The end of the current billing cycle is the 12th - so I was screwed.
I can hardly wait to see the final bill.
I just wanted to cry.
Faced with the prospect of people trying to reach me for my freelance business and not being able to actually talk to them, I switched to Sprint. It is now critical that I make as much extra money as I can because with home schooling, this God forsaken "war on terror" and its impact on energy prices, 20% inflation, slowing economy, weakening dollar, our budget is beyond tight.
Enter Sprint PCS.
The plan I chose included 500 outbound and unlimited inbound and unlimited calls to home for $65 with a 2 year contract. I also got the Samsung SPH-m620 UpStage phone for "free" and a $50.00 rebate.
Granted this is all my fault as I should have paid more attention to my usage. The problem is I never had to before, and the thought never entered my mind.
Stop the world, I want to get off.
Cost me.
It all started with Suncom.
For $30 a month I could call as much as I wanted. I.loved.it. I rarely left the area and even when I did the roaming minutes were more than enough.
Enter Cingular.
Cingular brought with it Rollover and a price jump to $89.00 for enough minutes to cover what I had been using. Most months I was banking time, but it was worth it since I got a new phone and second line for 10 bucks.
Enter AT$T.
By this time my cell phone usage was way down, so to save some money I opted for a 450 minute plan back down to $40.00. I had 2000 Rollover minutes from Cingular and figured it would be enough.
You know what? Rollover minutes expire! Would have been a good idea to keep track of that little detail.
About 2 months ago I noticed a paperless option for billing. Being the progressive young man that I am, I checked it.
I discovered something about myself; If I don't see it, it doesn't exist.
In the mail yesterday was this notice of cancellation from AT$T and the amount was almost $300.00! Apparently the "paperless" bill made it to the spam folder on my computer and I forgot to pay Octobers bill.
Octobers bill was $130 and Novembers was $160!
I called them right away and waited on hold for 5 minutes. I asked where I stood this billing cycle and I was already over 250 minutes. And by the way, since I was calling the 800 number, it was on the rise. The end of the current billing cycle is the 12th - so I was screwed.
I can hardly wait to see the final bill.
I just wanted to cry.
Faced with the prospect of people trying to reach me for my freelance business and not being able to actually talk to them, I switched to Sprint. It is now critical that I make as much extra money as I can because with home schooling, this God forsaken "war on terror" and its impact on energy prices, 20% inflation, slowing economy, weakening dollar, our budget is beyond tight.
Enter Sprint PCS.
The plan I chose included 500 outbound and unlimited inbound and unlimited calls to home for $65 with a 2 year contract. I also got the Samsung SPH-m620 UpStage phone for "free" and a $50.00 rebate.
Granted this is all my fault as I should have paid more attention to my usage. The problem is I never had to before, and the thought never entered my mind.
Stop the world, I want to get off.
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