Alcoholics like me.
Homosexuals like me as well, but I will tackle that in another post.
I have a knack for attracting people that have been affected by alcohol. They are either actively drinking, recovered, are married to someone that has, or on the road to or from. Every one of my neighbors are alcoholics. There is actually a bar across the street from my house. This bar is in the garage of my neighbor.
How weird is that.
Most of my coworkers are alcoholics. I have witnessed much in my 10 years here. The big gifts at the Christmas party have always been booze. Crown Royal is apparently a really thoughtful way of saying "Happy Birthday Jesus".
So it comes as no shock to me that my guitar player on my worship team at church is an alcoholic. Much to the chagrin of my friends, his behavior is neither threatening or obnoxious to me. It is familiar and vulnerable, and my heart simply breaks for the condition he is in.
No one wants to become an alcoholic.
It took me years to get to the point where I could believe that and I believe it with all that is in me. Alcoholism is a disease and I would never harass a cancer victim for having a bad day. Alcoholics usually offend people when they are hurting, so it makes it difficult to be objective when they are spewing their insecurity and hurt. It takes a great deal of discipline not to react emotionally, but when it all lines up and the alcoholic has been heard real change can happen.
People make the mistake thinking that by telling the alcoholic all about their sins, that will somehow snap them out of their slow suicide. As if their killing themselves is a result of their life being one great big party. No one needs to tell the drinker or drug addict their failings, it is usually all they can see. The only way to help the alcoholic is to love them where they are at, not enable them in their negative behavior, and live your own life. If they choose to be nasty, we get to choose to leave. If they are hurtful and angry, we walk away and talk to them when they are sober.
One of the last places on earth that this type of acceptance happens in the church.
My guitar player has arrived hung over 2 Sundays and this last week he reacted and caused a minor disruption. It was not a huge problem, but the confrontation from the platform directed to the sound team was not transparent. Thankfully my friend admitted he was wrong, has remained teachable, and is the only requirement to be used by God.
I have a meeting with him tonight to talk about his drinking. I am actually looking forward to it. I am full of faith that he will be able to see my desire is for him to get better. He is hurting, and it hurts me to know that his only hope is in the bottle. My God is bigger than his problem.
My God is a God who saves.
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3 comments:
Since I live in a state where very few people drink, I don't have a lot of experience with alcoholism.
I DO understand addictions and addictive personalities (Hello? It's my own.)
I love your outlook and understanding of it. Pretty dead on. That guy is very blessed to have you as a friend.
LL,
Unfortunately, after an hour of ranting, interruptions, disrespect, mandates and insanity in the middle of Starbucks, I had to cut "Bill" loose.
I was there with another friend and worship team member and finally had to put my foot down as their conversation was tail spinning fast.
I told "Bill" when I brought him on the team a month ago we were going to see how things went. I simply said it wasn't going to work out.
He slammed his fist down and stormed out. A minute later he came back in (I will admit I looked for a gun) and pointed his finger at me as said "you reap what you sew" and abruptly left.
I spent the next 10 minutes settling my buddy down who was visibly shaking from the experience.
Neither of us wanted it to end like that but I kept thinking about my kids, my wife, and the other people on my team who I have been given charge over, not mention the hundreds of people in the congregation that are trusting me to lead them.
Consider yourself blessed to be alcohol free in your circle. It is a nasty drug that is heart wrenching to watch destroy people.
I am sure this is not over yet. So I patiently wait for "Bill" to hit bottom so we can pick him up.
I would have zero idea how to deal with a situation like that. I have exactly one friend that drinks. And that is pretty rare.
It took me forever to realize that some people from my blog like to email me while drinking. THAT was a revelation.
I can't imagine what growing up around things like this did to you. I'm really sorry.
Hug.
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